I was incredulous and asked if he was really considering divorcing me just because we couldn't agree on me accepting an invitation or not (or words to that effect). I told him that that is why we were going to see Deb, to resolve things, and I was astounded that he already had divorce in his mind because he was pissed at an invitation, and all that he thought went along with that invitation from Zander, and that he should resolve his anger with Zander, as it was really Zander he was angry with and not me.

He blew through the roof yelling at shouting at me that I should have left things alone (but wait, I thought we were trying to resolve this??) and that it really was ME he was angry with and not Zander, so in fact he has been lying to me all along, which I kind of suspected because if he was truly only angry with Zander for disrespecting him, then why did he not have it out with Zander instead of constantly being nasty and rude and hurtful towards me?

I kept calm and said that I knew it wasn't resolved and that is why we were going to see Deb, and he yelled NO we are now going to see deb to find out why you are defending Zander. I said 3, 4 or 5 times that I was not defending Zander and I never had a reason to, and that I had tried to understand during this past week why he was so upset with this invitation. He yelled AGAIN that I WAS defending Zander and would not let that go, slamming things around the house for 5 or 10 minutes with fury on his face.

To me it seems that he is and always was somehow jealous of Zander, despite the fact that I have said time and time again over the years that I am not interested in him sexually at all, and that if I were, I would have told him, like I have told him of others I find attractive. I don't know how to help him deal with his jealousy of Zander, apart from to never see Zander again, which seems unfair, but something I am willing to do in order to quell his fears.

It doesn't seem fair, as he parades his exes around me very often, (I've never done that) and I have to deal with it, and I do. However when he gets it in his head that I want someone, when in fact I don't, all hell breaks loose. I have been in therapy for 2 years to deal with his intimate relationships with other people and his craving to be sexual with other people and how that affects me, but when he has a problem with ME, he is already considering divorce before we've even seen a therapist??

However when he gets it in his head that I want someone, when in fact I don't, all hell breaks loose. I cannot be responsible for how he feels (just as he tells me the same) and neither do I know how to help him. I strongly have suggested to him that he call Zander and deal with whatever issues or insecurities he has, and have it over with so I don't get the brunt of his anger which is incorrectly aimed at me. I currently feel punished for being the recipient of an invitation by Zander. And of course I am stunned that SP would be thinking of divorce over my apparent inability to see his point of view. I would never consider divorce if he was unable to see my point of view.

I am at a loss with his anger and hostility towards me, which he seems to turn on and off like a tap. Just an hour ago he was touchy-feely, and now I learn that he kept his feelings about divorce from me?